Rags and Riches

Today I walked through aisles of wealth, down streets laden with luxurious jewelry stores and into buildings filled to the brim with expensive clothing, perfumes, and housewares. There was a Starbucks here, a fancy steakhouse there, and Tiffany’s down the most manicured, brick-lined road you’ve ever seen. As I made my way through the land of plenty, I couldn’t help but look across the street at all of the people buzzing in and out of stores and long to tread down a dirt path to greet my friends in places afar. I realize such desires may sound like madness to you. After all, who would want to trade such lavishness for a dirt road and a village hut anyway?

It’s not that I don’t want nice things, but when I look at them, all I can think about is how in the end having things doesn’t glorify God. Having things doesn’t bring me joy. Sure, I may be able to use some physical/material things in ministry, but at the end of the day God doesn’t need anything from me. He has more than enough on His own, and more than enough power to do what He pleases no matter what I have or don’t have. And I think the craziest part of that is He chooses to use His people to do His work. I’m not worthy of that, but still He chooses to use me.

Shopping, searching for more, always has a way of making me yearn for less. Less junk to fill up my already cluttered apartment, less things to make my place look “pretty,” and less stuff that I truly just do not need. Today I searched through what seemed like never ending racks of clothing only to find something that absolutely made me want to vomit. This shirt.

I ran my fingers over the shirt and stuck my pinky through the torn fabric as if to check and see if the rips were actually present. This ratty, old, torn-up t-shirt looked like something I saw a four year old wearing as he ran down a rocky path in Haiti with no underwear and no shoes. He wore nothing but that t-shirt… and was grateful for it. It was the only thing his mother could give him. The shirt that I saw in the store was on “sale” for $39.99 (it usually goes for $68). For the sale price you could sponsor that child for a month, for the regular price you could sponsor him for almost two. That child could have an education and hope for a better tomorrow, and maybe even a new shirt, but we are too busy dressing ourselves in rags to notice the hurt and poverty that he lives in, and the spiritual poverty that we so often refuse to let God drag us out of.

Some may call me a hypocrite for writing this. I drive a nice car, I have an iPhone, I am able to make this post on this blog while sitting at home drinking a cup of coffee 1700 miles away from the child I sponsor… but rest assured that there is a constant battle inside of me over things I think I should have, things I need, and things I could really stand to let go of. I am not immune to the human condition of desiring more, but I only hope that God would fill that desire and that I wouldn't even attempt to fill the void with material things. I hope that one day I can look back at my life and know that though I messed up some things, God was able to use them, and use me to bring glory to Him.

I hope that as a nurse I am able to share the love of God with the patient suffering a miscarriage, with the grandfather who was just diagnosed with cancer, with the dying woman surrounded at the bedside by her loving children… Those situations and more are not uncommon occurrences at my job. I’ve seen things that absolutely make me sick in the world and at work, but I know that there is a reason I am in the specific situation I am in at that given time, and I am trusting God to guide me in that each day - even if in that day my heart must ache for others who are hurting or for this depraved world, I pray that I will listen to God's voice and trust in His guidance… And I pray that you will too. Let's not dress ourselves in rags when the creator of the universe wants to cover us with righteousness.

The good, the bad, and the ugly… and how God uses all of it.

It is February, 2014. I am 22 years old and I am about to graduate with a BSN. I am dating a man who loves Jesus. Though I'm not exactly sure how this all happened, I praise God it did. This is the time of my life I've always wanted to see. At this point, I've begun to make a life for myself. I have a place of my own, I pay my own bills, and I work my butt off. I don't always have time to do the things I want to do, but I make time for important things, and more than that, the people God has placed in my life.

I've become exceedingly aware of what matters and what doesn't in the past month. On February 4th, I witnessed an awful wreck. Out of respect for the victims, I'm not going to go into detail of what happened, or tell much about them, may they rest in peace…but I am going to tell how it has changed me.

That afternoon I left my clinical - weary and irritated from a long morning of less than ideal patients. I'd already been someone for a confused elderly woman to roll her eyes at as I explained her medications and the importance of finishing antibiotics. I'd already had to clean up multiple rounds of feces from different incontinent patients. I'd already felt like an idiot for blanking on what class of drug Olmesartan is (it's an ARB for hypertension, by the way). I'd basically already been a babysitter, a hand holder, and a just another student who tried to understand where the angry man, the confused woman, and everyone else I came in contact with was coming from that day.

I expected to be home in three minutes when I pulled out of the parking lot. That three minutes turned into three hours all because I heard a crash. When I saw what was making the noise, my heart sank. It was two vehicles colliding and then spinning apart. I immediately felt the need to pull over and try to help, or call 911, or something. I just knew I needed to do something, so I did all three. I dug my phone out of my backpack, pulled over, turned on my flashers, checked out the scene, and approached the vehicles. One person was alright so I went to the next vehicle. One was breathing, albeit gasping breaths, but breathing…and the other in that vehicle was not. This is where I'm not going to go into detail about what I saw because I want to show respect for the human being I saw pass away right in front of me in that intersection, and the one I tried to help, but learned that that person died as well while being transported to the hospital.

As I stood in that intersection surrounded by police, EMS, and firefighters I was still shell-shocked at the scene unfolding around me. Multiple people asked if I was okay, if I needed to talk to someone, did I need anything? Multiple people asked about my uniform that I was still wearing from clinical and what kind of nurse I wanted to be. All of these questions served to distract me from the tragedy that had just happened, and at the moment, I was fine with that. In the next few days, I realized just how greatly it had affected me. My heart was not as strong as I thought. The whole time I was there, people kept saying, "Oh, she's going to be a nurse. She works in an ER, she's seen people pass before." But when I see people pass, it's because they are already in a hospital with a problem that could potentially be fatal. I didn't see the initial event that brought about their death. When I see patients in the hospital, I know that there is a possibility that they may die. When I am driving to my home that is three minutes away, I don't expect that at all.

Thursday morning I drove to school. On my way to school I saw someone run a red light. When they ran that red-light, I was immediately back at the accident scene watching two souls live out their final moments on this earth. I cried. And for those of you who know me, I don't cry very often. That afternoon I called my mom. She talked me through what normally happens at a scene like the one I saw (she's a paramedic) because she has seen it all before. She told me I did good. She told me I did what I could, and she told me that sometimes all the medical equipment and knowledge in the world just isn't enough to save people if it's truly time for their souls to vacate this planet. I knew she was telling the truth, but it took until we did our disaster drill with the nursing school for me to realize she was right.

During our disaster drill we learned how to triage patients, how to label them as needing immediate care, delayed care, having minor injuries, and simply being dead. We learned to have the minor injuries wait, treat the worst patients first if they were viable, and leave the dead to God. Although it was a drill, I finally understood that I really did do all I could with the extremely limited resources I had. I'm still not sure exactly how God is using what I witnessed that day, but I am very grateful that He allowed me to be a peaceful presence to two souls as they passed from this world. I am very honored to have gotten to be there for those people, and it is something I will not soon forget. The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, and I pray often for all involved in that accident.

At least I STARTED to clean...

I started cleaning my apartment earlier, and big surprise - I got distracted. I was going through some boxes and actually got through a couple before I found my journal from my time in Haiti. Naturally, I began to read it. I began thinking about the friends I made there, the group of people I fell in love with in less than a week's time, and the God I fell in love with even more through that trip. The following excerpt is from April 26, 2013, about a month after coming back from Haiti.

"I miss being in Haiti so much. As I sat here drawing earlier, I listened to worship music. "Healing Rain" came on, then "10,000 Reasons" came on right after. I stopped everything to try to remember all I could about being in Haiti. I was reminded that my arms can hold people - can show love to a child who normally doesn't see it. My now empty hands painted a church, took vital signs, cradled newborn children, held deathly ill children, touched a new believer's shoulder, and hugged an intern who has endured more than most can imagine. My arms were once raised high in an energetic worship service, that also happened to serve as a dance party, all to praise the Lord. Bondye bon! My feet walked through the Haitian countryside, through crops and fields of one of our translators, into the homes of many who love the Lord and many who have no understanding of His love. My legs have carried me over a rocky path, uphill and down, to pray for the sick and destitute. I have run across a field with a child on my back who giggled non-stop. I have stood on a rooftop where I watched the sun rise and fall day by day. My eyes have seen pure joy in simply knowing Jesus, total heartbreak in the eyes of a mother scorned by her peers for her lack of a husband and her dying son, and complete trust in the eyes of a child who crawled into my lap to fall asleep, safe in my arms. I don't think I've ever felt so many emotions all at the same time.
'His love is deep, His love is wide, and it covers us' (Furious by Jeremy Riddle). The love of God is so much more than I ever expected. The fact that God has seen fit to show me just a few of the things He sees moment by moment overwhelms me with joy. To think that the Creator of the universe loves me, loves those children, loves all the people in the world…it blows my mind. Even knowing that He thinks of me is overwhelming. God THINKS of me AND He loves me - ME! He LOVES me. How crazy is that?!"

So as the sun sets here in Austin, I pretend I'm back in Haiti, sitting on a rooftop praising my God, my savior for the world and people He has created and shown to me in such brilliant, living color. I am blessed. Praise the Lord for His work and faithfulness.

Babies and other things from my S1 semester

This is the quickest a semester has ever gone by for me. Constant chaos and unexpected diversions (some great...some not so great) have been the norm. I didn't think my S1 semester of nursing school was going to be very difficult, and it hasn't necessarily been the content, but the amount of content that has been trying. From pediatrics to maternity nursing, I've been stretched this semester in ways that I didn't even realize.

Going into my pediatric clinical, I was actually dreading it. All I could think about were snot-nosed children (literally and figuratively) being awful because they were sick. All I could think of was how terrible it was going to be. I was correct in some senses, but I couldn't have been more wrong in others. I spent a good amount of time on a pediatric oncology unit and fell in love with the patients. Those toddlers, those young children, those teenagers are stronger than many adults I know. Along the pediatric route I also got to spend a day in a pedi ER, and I saw things I'd only read about...and some I'd never even heard of. I never thought I'd be a nurse for anyone but adults, but I seriously started to question that career choice after spending time with the kids on those units.

My maternity clinical started after pediatrics, and I was a little more than concerned that I was going to be bored to tears...and totally grossed out. Thank goodness that wasn't the case. Don't get me wrong, there were definitely gross things, but nothing worse than things I've already seen. Although I don't necessarily want to be a labor and delivery nurse, being a part of bringing new life into this world, even if I just got to be in the room as it was happening, was absolutely incredible. Today I held a newborn. I gave it's first bath. I did other things for it that it will not remember...but it is one life that I will never forget. As I held and cared for many babies the past couple of days in my clinical rotation, I looked at each of them. Watched them blink as they saw the light for the first time. Listened to their hearts beat. Watched them learn to breathe in air. Rocked them to sleep while their parents had to be elsewhere. It was in those quiet moments that I really learned to have a new appreciation for life. For the Giver of Life. These mothers and these babies go through so much to produce and become living beings. It's astounding how the feel of a newborn's fingers wrapped around one of yours can bring you back to a place of deep intimacy with the one Giver of Life that is God. It's astounding how so many little moments in just one semester can affect you so profoundly when you reflect upon them and realize what God had in mind for your life at that time.

I know this post has gotten a little wordy, so I'll leave you with an excerpt from my journal:
"I do not think we really understand what love is until we meet those who have never even heard the concept...You do not know hurt until you look into the terrified eyes of a child who has never known true love, who has only known abuse, neglect, and abandonment...You do not know pain until you look into the eyes of a toddler undergoing chemotherapy...you do not know true joy until you watch a doctor tell the mother of that toddler that the chemo is working and shrinking that unthinkable tumor."
And to that I would add, "you do not know love until you see the love a newborn receives from his mother and father. That newborn did nothing to earn that love, yet he receives it fully because there is literally no other way to live." The same can be said for us in the context of Christ. We have done nothing to earn His love, but he wants us to receive it fully. Christ's love is literally the only way to eternal life, and how great is our father for offering that love to us so unconditionally!

Grace.

I kicked off the year 2013 by running myself ragged working the night shift in the ER on New Year's Eve and every night following that for 6 nights in a row. I wasn't aware of it then, but that's what many of the following months would look like in my life. Constantly working, or going to class, or dealing with one mess after another. And somehow in the midst of all of this God said, "Go to Haiti." Um, sorry, in the words of the Despicable Me minions..."WHAAAAA?"
On more than one occasion I found myself looking back on the last 8 to 10 months shaking my head thinking, "I can't believe I did that," or, "I can't believe I got to go there," or, "Why would God choose me to love and use in His great plan even when I screw up so much of the time?" Then I realized... I think about myself way too often. I like to think I'm a caring person and not your average, self-centered American twenty-something woman, but I am. And then I hear God saying, "FINALLY, YOU GET IT."
When we shift our focus from ourselves to Christ, things start to fall into place. Don't get me wrong - there are still consequences to the things we do and we still live in a fallen world, but when we put our eyes on something bigger than ourselves we can begin to see that there is something so much more going on in the world than all the hate and disaster that plagues every nation on this earth. We begin to see that through all the facades and hypocrisy that seem to be human nature, there is a God that is always at work...And the great thing is He loves us unconditionally and wants to have a relationship with us. Why? Honestly, that one is beyond me, but He does. Does the creator of the universe really need a reason?
I cannot tell you how many people I've gotten to talk with who say they can't believe in God because if He was real, He wouldn't let bad things happen. He wouldn't let bad people get their way. He wouldn't allow them to hurt. I can't tell you how many people I've talked with who say they can't believe in God because people who profess Christianity have screwed them over or hurt them in some way. I cannot tell you how many people say they cannot believe because they don't have their lives together, because they're too far gone, because it's preposterous that "God" could love such a person as themselves. And to those things I say, I understand. I've been there. But somehow God put someone in my life that showed me truth and I've never been the same. Paul explains that, "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8). There is nothing we could have done to earn that love because if there was there would be no point in God or Jesus or faith, or anything at all for that matter. It's not something that is easy to explain and it probably sounds like a bunch of foolishness to some of you to have faith in a being that we don't physically see...but I can tell you that it's real. I've seen people do miraculous things that just aren't possible without the help of a higher being. I've seen love pour out of people like I never imagined, and it's because they know Jesus.
This summer was basically a disaster for some of my friends and I from the get-go. Whether it was job issues, personal issues, dating issues...you name it, we had it going on. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to question my sanity, my relationships, my faith...but every time God would remind me of His faithfulness by working things out in ways I never could have imagined. Ways so much better than I could ever think of. I guess what I'm getting at is, life isn't all about me, it isn't all about you. It's all about the amazing God who is so beyond our imagination and so crazy generous that He would come to earth as Jesus so that we could be made right with God through His sacrifice for us on the cross. I don't know about you, but that's pretty stinking amazing to me no matter how many times I hear it.

Prayers for Boston.

Staring out the window, admiring the bluebonnets as I drove from one clinical site to another around 2pm central time today my daydream was interrupted with news of the explosions at the Boston Marathon. I didn't have many details, so I went on about my business. As I logged onto the computer in the hallway at the hospital, I saw a nurse coming frantically down the hallway on his cell phone. I soon learned he was trying to reach his friend who was running the marathon. He informed us that two were dead and many injured. I immediately realized this wasn't some freak accident or arbitrary prank. I came home soon after that and watched the news and videos of the explosions with my roommate and her parents who happened to be in town. As we watched the carnage I was in a state of pure disgust at what humans are capable of. I will never understand people who choose to harm the innocent, steal people's joy, and take the lives of others. It makes me absolutely sick to see these things happen.

My thoughts and prayers go out to those who know any of the injured or deceased related to this senseless, horrific event. I'm blessed to know that my friends who were at the event are safe, but I know not everyone can say the same.

I want to also remind people to be thankful for those first-responders who so willingly entered the scene to help the wounded. Medics, firefighters, police, military, and all alike are very close to my heart. Though they knew not what was to come, they gave of themselves for those who could not help themselves. In the chaos, we are still blessed by people of character, and that is something to be grateful for.

10,000 Reasons for My Heart to Find

It's funny how one song can remind you of so much...an excerpt from my journal in Haiti should (kind of) explain this a little:

"Once the kite-making chaos ensued, a young boy who had been leaning on me asked for help. As soon as I said yes he climbed my leg to sit in my lap so we could make his "kite." (I say it that way because that thing was NOT going to fly. I'm quite certain it doesn't deserve the name at all in fact because that bundle of sticks, string, and paper was pathetic looking.) He was so young though that he had a blast just flinging the thing around. As I watched him play, some girls took the liberty of braiding my hair, and before I knew it the boy was back in my lap clinging to my neck as he snuggled up. I was sweating and it was ridiculously hot, but I couldn't push him away. I knew that at that moment I was supposed to love that child, even if the only love I could show was a hug and a place to sit. As I held that child I again heard God say, "This is what you're made for."I don't even know why the song came to mind, but I began to sing 10,000 Reasons as I rocked the boy to sleep. I almost didn't believe it when he began to echo what I was singing. I pray that he will grow into a strong man of faith, a strong man of God in that village. I truly believe that God is raising up His kingdom in Haiti with this younger generation...as I sit here on the orphanage porch writing this I cannot help but feel overwhelmed. I honestly thought this trip wouldn't mean that much to me, but it is slowly breaking me. I don't know what it means, but I am excited to see what it leads to." - 3/13/12

And once more, God has a sense of humor...as I finished writing this post 10,000 Reasons by Matt Redman came on my Pandora station. Coincidence?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtwIT8JjddM

L'espoir.

So I went to Haiti. Spent 6 months preparing to go to a place for a week that I didn't even want to go to because it scared the daylights out of me... but God told me it would be worth it, and I cannot put into words how right He was.



I spent a week living in an orphanage building on the side of this mountain. If living in a 12x18 room with 7 other girls doesn't teach you about living in community, I don't know what will. Every morning we awoke around 0600, had breakfast at 0645, and had some time alone so we could study and be with the Lord. Most mornings I sat on the rooftop of the huge guesthouse where every one else stayed so I could watch the sunrise. For some reason, the sun is just so much more magnificent in Haiti. As I watched it come up over the mountains every morning I couldn't help but sit in awe of the beauty that God created, that He created it so I could see it. One morning after the sunrise, I went back down to sit on the small concrete slab...er, porch, that was in front of our orphanage home. I remember sitting on the ground writing in my journal as the babies in the building behind ours began to wake and stir. Their little giggles and squeals of delight could brighten anyone's day. It was as if God transported me to some alternate universe. I couldn't believe that I was in Haiti. That God was at work in that place. That God was using me and my friends in that place.

In the orphanage was a young boy with cerebral palsy. His smile could literally light up a room. His attitude despite his circumstances could inspire anyone. He may not have all of the cognitive abilities of "normal" children, but that child was fearfully and wonderfully made. He was happy simply to be alive. How often can we say that? I know I personally live in the "woe is me" mentality much of the time, and that's not what God intended for us at all. Each morning as our group made its way back up the hill for breakfast, that boy would call us over, just to say hi and flash us that sincere, heart-melting smile. He has finally received his medical visa to come to the U.S. for the treatment that he so desperately needs. Praise God that he will be taken care of and should be able to return to Haiti in much better condition.

Unfortunately, we also saw children who were not as lucky as him. On one of our village outreach days, we split into 3 groups (about 5 people with 1 translator to each group.) My group consisted of 5 college-age girls and a Christ-following Haitian translator not much older than any of us. We set off down the main path of the village, rocks below our feet, our footing unsure - literally and figuratively. We passed a vendor who had barely even laid eyes on us before she ran to us and asked us to come pray for her sick son. This woman didn't even know us. We say yes, of course, so she tells us to follow her and she quickly begins on a winding path down a small hill. She tells us to wait at the gate (a big piece of metal tied to a post with a wire) as she goes around back and has her daughter let us in. We walk into the small yard of a concrete home. A sickly puppy runs past my feet as the woman beckons us up the steps. Unsure, we all glance to our translator for guidance and he looks at us and gestures that we go inside as we were invited to do. I was honored that this woman let complete strangers into her home simply because she wanted us to pray for her son. We walk into the living area and all stop, thinking that was as far as we were supposed to intrude, that is, until she asked us to follow her into a bedroom off of the main room. I followed behind two of my friends and knew something was wrong when the two of them stopped dead in their tracks. They both stood to the side and let the rest of us enter. As I walked through the doorway, I saw a bed against the wall with a tiny body all of 3 feet long writhing in it. I have never seen anything like it in my life. It was a boy. An eleven year old boy. An eleven year old boy with cerebral palsy and hydrocephalus so much so that it was painful to look at. His eyes rolling around attempting to focus, but never succeeding. His arms and legs no bigger around than a paper towel rod, all contractured and distorted. His stomach distended and his chest asymmetrical. This boy had never spoken a word in his life, yet his mother gave up hers to take care of him. In Haiti, it's not uncommon for people with disabilities to either be shunned or left to die. The sad thing is that his mother did all she knew how to do and the boy will ultimately still face the same fate of a painful death. Words cannot describe the emotion I felt as I sat down on the floor next to this boy's bed and stroked his forehead and held his hand as we prayed for him and his family. Words cannot describe. We asked the woman what made her seek us out and she couldn't give an answer. She said she just felt it was right. She said she'd heard of Jesus, but felt like she couldn't accept his love because she was living in sin and needed to get things right before she could really know him. How great it was to be able to tell her that that is the very reason God sent his son to live a perfect life then die on the cross as the perfect sacrifice for our lives. Because he knew we were incapable of living righteous and holy lives on our own. How awesome it was to tell her that God meets us where we are. We shared stories of Jesus' power and love and talked and prayed with her more. One of the last things I remember is sitting on the floor, still holding that child tight as one of the girls began singing Amazing Grace, and for the first time I really understood what the words meant.

"Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

When we've been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we've first begun.

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see."

I was unable to go back and check on the boy and his family before we left, but I have faith that God is at work. I question every day why God chose to use me instead of saving someone else like that child, but I have to trust in his greater plan. It eats me up inside knowing the conditions that child and many others live in, but I have peace in knowing that God's amazing grace never stops working.

Running, Turning, Running

As I start the second semester of my junior year of college, I am hit with the sudden realization that God is chasing me. Not that I didn't know God was out to get me (that's a good thing, by the way), I just hadn't realized I was running so hard from Him. And for all my running, I wasn't getting anywhere. I don't know why I even bothered because it's not like life was more exciting or happy, in fact, it was just the opposite. Nothing was ever really "bad," I was just never fully satisfied with anything I did.

I'm pretty good at faking it 'til I make it, so only the people closest to me have seen me at my worst, and even the thought of that is devastating to me. Alicia cannot have issues. Alicia cannot show weakness. Alicia has to have it together... False. I am as screwed up a person as any of you. None of us are perfect, not one. It's funny because I usually pride myself on being able to read people, but recently I was fooled, and by another "follower of Christ" no less. When I came to terms with all that had actually been going on, I had the audacity to become angry at God for allowing that person to act in such a manner. I remember thinking, "Christians don't do that crap, especially not to each other." Then I realized something...I am no better than that person - I'm just a different kind of jerk. This person is still my brother in Christ. Does that mean he is not responsible for his actions? Of course he is. It just means that I cannot judge him before I pull the plank out of my own eye and realize I've done the similar things to others as well. Acting out of anger here would do me no good.

"Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Ephesians 6:12).

People screw up, fellow Christians screw up. Does that make them our enemy? No, but Satan would love if you allowed it to. Humans are constantly in the wrong, thank God for the perfect sacrifice we have in Christ for our misdoings. Leviticus 1 talks about burnt offerings the Levites were to bring to God. Each offering was a sacrifice - defined in Webster's dictionary as something precious being given away, or the destruction or surrender of something for the sake of something else. These burnt offerings had to be a male from the herd without defect which would make atonement for the Levites' sins. In the Hebrew language, "atonement" is "kaphar," meaning that the sin and sinner would be covered so that neither could be seen. In order for the offering to be acceptable to God, there were certain things the person giving the offering had to do. One was to lay his hand on the head of the offering before killing it. This symbolized many things including the confession of sin, consent to substitution of the animal for the sins committed, acceptance of the victim that was to be slain in the sinner's place, and belief in sin transference (Spurgeon, 1877). Now, this kind of offering showed devotion to God. Other offerings took place to symbolize other things, but I focus on this for now because it shows that we are not even close to being worthy of coming to God without something to cover our sinful nature. God hates sin, but oh that we would see His love for the sinner by making a way for us to come back to Him, that He wants to "reconcile to himself all things, in heaven and on earth by making peace through Christ's blood shed on the cross" (Colossians 1:20). My hope is in Him, I believe these things are true. The burnt offering in the time of the Levites was just a glimpse of what the sacrifice of Jesus would be like.

Praise the Lord that Jesus didn't just die for certain people, he died for all because all have fallen short in this world. I know many of you think I'm a complete idiot for believing the things that I do, but I will tell you that I have seen God do amazing things. You can try to refute the Bible, but you cannot change what I know to be true because of what I have seen in my own life. I accepted Christ as my Savior a long time ago, but I'm learning more and more everyday that he is everything - my hope, my strength, my acceptance in this world. I am only fully satisfied in Him. Believe it or not, God has offered that same satisfaction to you, too.

Help me get to Haiti!

Friends,

I will be going on a trip to Haiti in March with a group of students from Hill Country Bible Church UT. We will be partnering with Mission of Hope (www.mohhaiti.org) while we are there. The cost of the trip is $2000 per person. I am writing this to ask for your prayer and financial support if you feel so led to give. Anything, and I mean anything, you are able to give is helpful. If you are unable to give at this time, prayers are just as welcome as our team prepares for this trip.

There are two ways you can donate:

1.) Send a check to HCUT:

Hill Country Bible Church UT
405 W. 22nd St.
Austin, TX 78705

Pay to the Order of: “Hill Country Bible Church UT”
Memo: “Haiti – Alicia”

2.) Visit this website to give electronically*: www.hillcountryut.org/give/give-online

In the "note" portion please write "Haiti - Alicia"

*Please be aware that a small fee (~3%) will be kept by the electronic the transfer service provider if you give electronically.


Below are the deadlines we must abide by in raising our funds:

December 1st – 20% ($400)
February 1st – 60% ($1,200)
March 1st – 100% ($2,000)




Your support means the world to me as I prepare to take part in God's work in Haiti. If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Thank you!
Alicia

Alicia still blogs? Uh, what?

As I stated last year, I am HORRIBLE at keeping up with this thing. Not sure why I still have it besides the fact that every now and then I get the itch to rant- er...write about my oh so interesting life. (I'm being facetious. No I'm not... Okay, yes I am.)

Are you ready to be amazed?
-started a new job in an ER in May and "Jesus, JESUS, Jesus" I'm blessed (great story behind that one, but you MUST ask in person to hear my fabulous storytelling skills)
-watched my brother get married in Vegas via the internet while I studied for exams in Austin...I like to think we're keeping up with the times
-started nursing school in August (read: no social life starting in August)
-found out I'm going to be an aunt come May
-still have a minimal social life (any and all friendly encounters have been over coffee with a textbook in arm's reach)
-ran my first 5k
-will be going to Haiti over spring break


I'm sure there's more, but once again, I have to go study. Story of my life. I'll be back to write more.*







*in 7 months. Or not ever. Either way, I know you're all sitting on the edge of your seats in eager anticipation.

In all things.

Once again, I am the worst at keeping up with a blog, and if you still happen to read this old thing, God bless you.

I've been in college for almost two years now, not sure of where I'd be for the next two, but the Lord has blessed me immensely. I will be attending the University of Texas School of Nursing in the fall, and I am so grateful for the opportunities I've been given and the ones still to come.

As I look back at the last two years, I see so many prayers answered, and I see a completely different girl in myself than when I started here. Two years ago I was terrified about attending a university with 50,000 other students. The first day of classes I walked into an auditorium with hundreds of people there for the same reason I was, although I'm pretty sure we learned totally different things. Yes, we both learned the basics of chemistry, but the more I learned about ions and molecules, the more classes I went to, the more people I met, the more I learned to see the Lord in it all.

All of my life I've been given things: a family, a home, friends, and most importantly a Savior that loved me enough to take my sins upon himself as a sacrifice. His love never fails, and he never ceases to give. Of course, he takes away just as he gives - loved ones die or move away, there are disappointments in life - but all of it is done out of love for us. The things the Lord does for us (no matter whether we see them as good or bad) are the things that best show his love for us at that moment. "And we know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, those called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28.

I've been given friends all over Texas, all over America, and all over the world. Whenever I think of you, I pray for you. I pray that you will know the Father as I have, that you will know Him even better. I hope you know that. I'm not a saint by any means, but I am redeemed in Christ, and all I want in life is for you to know that same truth for yourself. As much as I've changed since I first began my education at the University of Texas, that desire of mine will always remain.

I'm beyond excited to see what the Lord has planned for the next two years and beyond. Hit me up if I haven't seen you in a while, I guarantee I miss you!

I'm so FREAKIN' excited.

Go watch the SNL "Surprise Party" skit if you don't get the reference in my title.

Why am I so FREAKIN' excited, you may ask...
-my brother is engaged
-it's a new semester
-my application to the University of Texas School of Nursing is due in about 3 weeks
and most of all
-God is good, even when I am not.

Will try to write more later. Gotta catch up on some school stuff...and by school stuff I mean reading, sleep, and drinking massive amounts of caffeine.

Love,
Alicia

"Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory, because of your love and faithfulness." Psalm 115:1

P.S. Here are some pictures of me and my awesome friends that I have been so blessed with. :)

Beware of Christians

Tonight my church in Austin held a screening of the documentary, "Beware of Christians." I was expecting some crazy, hard-core, over-the-top emotional documentary on Christianity, but was pleasantly surprised to realize that although it was a serious film, it had me laughing my head off much of the time. It's about these 4 college-age guys who have kind of gotten tired of Americanized Christianity and take off on a trip across Europe seeking God's guidance on what it really means to be a follower of Christ. They dissect some sticky topics for any culture such as materialism, sex, alcohol, and media/entertainment, and really try to figure out what God says about them all in the Bible. The main question they had for themselves was, "What happens when four college Christians give up on religion and start following Jesus?"

In the past two years or so, the Lord has challenged me to ask myself the same question. I've really had to evaluate my faith. First, I had to figure out for sure if my faith was really my own or just something I 'inherited' from my parents and grandparents. Once I wrestled through my own beliefs and made sure I knew truth, I had to figure out what my life needed to look like as I pursued a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ. I am in no way saying that I am perfect, because I have definitely screwed up along the way and will continue to screw up because I am a sinner and my only redemption is in the saving grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. I can tell you, however, that despite the mess I've made of myself, my life is different with Jesus in it. For most of my life, I have been programmed to respond with "Baptist" or "Protestant" when someone asks my religion. But recently I've begun to respond with "follower of Christ." I say that because nowhere in the Bible does it compartmentalize Catholicism, or Protestantism, and nowhere does it further discriminate into "Roman Catholic," "Orthodox," "Methodist," "Southern Baptist," "Pentecostal," or the like. Does that mean I'm going to sever all ties with the Southern Baptist church? Of course not. My beliefs align with theirs because I believe the Bible is the Word of God and is truth just as they do. But am I going to identify as a Baptist over a true follower of Christ as so many people do these days? I would hope not. Jesus is the bottom line. He's the reason I'm here. God sent Jesus, his only son, to die for me because He loved me, and He did the same for you. God in and of Himself is worthy of a response from us, the added fact that He sacrificed His own son for our good just seals the deal if you were at all hesitant.

Many of you may not know what to think about Jesus, and I would love to talk with you about it. I have a question for those of you who claim Christianity though - what would it look like for you to give up on "religion" and just follow Jesus?

Matthew 11:28

So I know that in Matthew, Jesus says, "Come to me all you who are burdened and weary and I will give you rest," I just never took it literally until today. I have been exhausted lately studying for test after test, but I planned to wake up at 9am today. Instead, I woke up at 12:43pm. I have class at 1. Just imagine the chaos that ensued in my room as I jumped out of bed and threw on some jeans, a hoodie, and a hat because my hair was an absolute mess. I probably could have won America's Funniest Home Videos ten times over. On the plus side, I feel great after a good night's sleep, despite missing lunch and having to sit in class and a meeting for 4 1/2 hours. AND UT is showing HP7 Part 2 on the main mall tonight, so I can't complain.

I don't even know what to do with myself this week because I don't have any tests in the immediate future to study for. It's going to be a good weekend.

Praying for my friends in Africa today...really missing them, especially this awesome lady!

I fail at keeping up with blogs...

Sorry to anyone who actually reads this thing...the good ole University of Texas has kept my schedule pretty jam-packed lately. I should probably recap the past 4 or 5 months, otherwise nothing I say in the future will make sense. Here goes...

-God provided in an enormous way for me to be able to go back to Senegal (financially, spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally...you get the picture)
-God let me see some amazing things and some amazing people in my short time back in Senegal
-God reminded me that even when things don't go as [I] planned, His plan is always better
-God allowed me to come back to the University of Texas and continue my education to become a nurse for His glory

I think that about sums it up. If you want to know more about what the Lord is teaching me, or what He taught me on my second trip to Africa, let me know! There's just no way I could ever fully do His work justice in a blog.

Here's one of my favorite pictures from the trip. Love this family!



"If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you. For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again."
-2 Corinthians 5:13-15

Home, Sweet Home

Well, for the next 3 months Baytown is my home yet again. I'm SO thankful it's summertime, but I must say, I miss Austin already.

Sorry for not posting in so long, you've got college finals to thank for that one. As nursing students who need stinkin' crazy grades to get into the nursing school at UT, my friends, Kristen, Lauren, and I kind of dug ourselves into a hole for the last couple of weeks of school to study polypeptides, carbohydrates, and the ever-infamous depression and bipolar mental illnesses.. Don't worry, we took breaks! (Ask me about our trip to Hula Hut...THAT was interesting.) But it all seems to have paid off. I'm still waiting on my bio grade though, so keep your fingers crossed! I never would have made it through this semester without the awesome friends God saw fit to give me - my nursing girls as well as my HCBCUT girls. They kept me focused and sane (for the most part). ;)

I finished finals on Thursday, hung out Friday, and FINALLY went kayaking on Saturday with Kaitlyn, her uncle, and Zach out on Lake Austin. We had a ton of fun even when Kaitlyn and I managed to flip our kayak while a ton of people watched...and laughed. Obviously. We also rented these paddle boards (they look like a surfboards), but you stand up on them and paddle yourself around with a big long paddle. That was probably my favorite part, even if I was a bit shaky at first. My arms were definitely sore the next day.

Sunday I checked out of Kinsolving, told my roommate, Allegra, goodbye, and headed off to HCBC one last time for the semester. After that it was homeward bound, but of course Kaitlyn and I had to say bye to one of the most awesome girls we met all semester (don't worry, Amanda - we'll have a skype date soon!)

After a relatively short drive, I was back home. Got to go to lifegroup and see what God is doing in my home church, and I have to say that I'm pretty excited about it. I was a little worried coming home, but God blew that worry out of the water. As we sang on Sunday morning, "Because You're with me, I will not fear."

And just so you know that I haven't fallen off the face of the planet since I got home, here's a picture of what I've been doing.



Yes, that would be my closet. I'm in the process of getting rid of old clothes and attempting to organize it. HA! I'll let you know how that pans out. And if you happen to be well-versed in closet organization, I could definitely use your expertise! Wish me luck!

Peeps and a kick-booty bio grade?

I'll take it. The Lord has blessed my manic studying efforts yet again and I am SO thankful. An epic celebratory dance party just ended in my room if that tells you how excited I am.

Praise Jesus!

Oh, and it was just sprinkling in Austin, so praise Him for that too!

Rolla Coasta

This week...wow. That's all I can say. Easton Corbin with Lindsay and Sunayana was stinkin' amazing last weekend. I even managed to snag one of his guitar picks he threw into the crowd! Too bad it was back to reality the next day for a stressful week of getting ready for a global health presentation and a biology test. Story of my life. Well, story of spring 2011 at least.

Took my bio test on Good Friday and headed home right after. Pretty nice drive minus the crazy wind and random wildfires on the side of I-10, but I have decided that most of the people in Baytown just shouldn't drive. People in Austin drive slow, people in Houston drive like maniacs, but people in Baytown just can't drive. There's such a thing as driver's ed...but it's probably best to go somewhere else to take it.

Spent the night hanging out with my mom and dad, had to twist their arms to get them to take me to El Toro. ;) There are some good restaurants in Austin, but the tex-mex just doesn't compare to home. Today I watched movies and snuggled with my puppy. Yes, she actually watched some of them. She likes Pirates of the Caribbean - smart dog.

Spending Easter with my Highlands church family tomorrow, then heading back to Austin. I've only been out of ATX for a day and I already miss it!

I'm so STINKIN' excited.

Please go watch the SNL Surprise Party video if you have no clue what that title was a reference to. SO hilarious.

Anyway, the past week has been kind of crazy for me. God pretty much hit me upside my head with His love and truth because I just wasn't getting it for a while. There's just so much going on that I'm a little frazzled, but at the same time I stand in awe of the God who's got His finger on it all.

I'm going home tomorrow afternoon to spend the evening/part of Saturday with my amazing mom and dad, and of course the famous Daisy May (only the BEST dog in the entire world). But before that I'll be working on a Global Health presentation that I'm actually kind of excited about...which is strange.

And get ready for this, Saturday I'm going to College Station to see....Easton Corbin!!! Ah, so exited!! Lindsay and I have been waiting for this day for so long and it's finally almost here! It's too bad that Sunday means back to work after church. Once the presentation is finished, it's only a doozie of a bio test between me and Easter.

I am so pumped about what God is doing here at UT though - stinkin' awesome stuff. I am so blessed to have the friends that I do and opportunities that God has trusted me with. And with that, I'm signing off. Yay for 8am classes!